It seems that the slightest thing is ‘not fair’ and she has lost the ability to compromise. She may become quite rigid and linear in her thinking. She may ‘lash out’ emotionally losing control of what she is saying, or physically doing.Īt these times she may seem particularly hurtful and directive in her feelings with her parents. She has a greater awareness of her own and other people’s emotions but she is still learning to relate. At first it all seems very calm then suddenly your child has a ‘moody’ and everything you do, say or stand for is wrong! Emotions can become difficult to predict and control as changes in brain development and hormones can affect her ability to express herself. Often just chatting about nothing or sharing an observation or a joke can be reassuring that you are still there for them.Įmotionally this stage can feel like the beginning of a maelstrom (storm brewing). Your child may not feel comfortable about direct questions but if you spend time together sharing a hobby, helping him with his homework or chores, or just going out for a favorite treat you can provide the ‘space’ your child may need. If possible find some time you can spend one to one away from distractions and siblings. However, communication is still vital to a healthy relationship with your child. This is all normal behavior for pre–teen and teenagers. He may start to seem more secretive, not necessarily wanting to share information about his day, or what is going on in his life generally, with his parents. ![]() He may legitimate this type of behavior by reference to his friends considering it as the ‘norm’. He feels a stronger need to conform to his peers. This may include an increase in offensive language, slang and words or phrases used amongst youth culture at the time. Language (communication) development becomes much more influenced by peers and popular culture. For more information on adolescent brain development and the plasticity of the brain see books by Daniel Siegel in our Resources section. It has been discovered that the brain is not in fact matured (mapped out) completely until around 24years old, and in fact due to it’s plasticity it is possible to ‘learn new tricks’ up until the day we die. It was thought until recently that adolescence was just the difficult phase at the end of the brain’s development, a time of ‘madness’ caused by ‘raging hormones’, that teenagers just need to ‘grow up!’ But with the age of more detailed brain scans and insightful research it has been proposed that this stage is vital to the continued health of the human race. Girls generally enter puberty much earlier than boys and will begin to experience this time of rapid growth and brain development more intensely in this period. She is becoming more aware of her own desires and drives as apart from her parents. Intellectually she is more capable of managing her own time, organising herself and completing tasks like homework on her own. They can now be left at home for short periods by themselves during the day but will need to have the maturity to know what to do in an emergency and should not be left in charge of younger siblings. Where possible as your child enters secondary level education they can be encouraged in getting themselves to school. He may also want to have more privacy and become increasingly embarrassed about nudity of or around other family members. During this time they need to feel OK about the changes in their bodies, by offering to buy deodorant, facial wash or a first bra parents can give reassurance that they are on the journey with their emerging adolescent. Most girls will start their menstruation cycle and boys will experience the effects of higher levels of testosterone. Changes in his physical body, brain development and hormonal imbalances can cause some distress as he moves towards maturation. ![]() He can perform many household chores and cook meals with guidance. Physically he can look after himself independently but may need reminding to brush his teeth. The good news for parents is that, according to recent neurological research, this is stage we can all learn from and not just a stage to be endured. ![]() The roller coaster ride through the adolescent years has begun. They will be entering a transition stage in their schooling, moving onto a secondary level, and in their lives between childhood and adulthood. During this stage most children will begin feeling the effects of puberty and although this is an ongoing process (that may take up to 5 years or more) it will have a profound effect on most parent and child relationships. It is a time of great change physically, mentally and emotionally for your child and possibly one of the greatest Rites of Passage for children and parents alike.
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